Charlotte Anne Louise Gisler

Exactly one week later I felt like I was having contractions! I was so excited and text our doula to have her on standby. Sean and I tried to time them, but they were all over the place.  By Tuesday they were completely gone and I was very sad. For some reason I felt like a failure or something.  Little did I know those were definitely not contractions!

Friday night, at 1am, I woke up for my usual pee and noticed I had a bad back. I cracked it up to sleeping surrounded by pillows so I would not roll onto my right side during the night, as she was on the right and needed to turn to the left to make the birth easier. Then again, at 1.30, pee, back pain, sleep. At 2am, I woke again and knew something was up. I was frustrated thinking "I have yet another pregnancy symptom!" so I turned on my hypnobirthing cd to try to help me relax and fall back to sleep.

After listening to this cd every night for 3 months, it normally helps me to sleep within five minutes. At 2.30 I was still awake and started to get contractions, but these ones really hurt, not like the ones earlier in the week! What was i thinking?! I decided to play spider solitaire on the computer to take my mind off of the pain while it was still bearable.

About ten to four, I started timing the contractions because they seemed to be coming so fast. They were three to ten minutes apart; very irregular, but I stuck with it, playing my game and writing down the times.

At five, I finally woke Sean and he came out to the lounge room to join in the timing.  Sean really liked timing the contractions and I think it helped to keep him calm. I walked around the house as they came and drank some raspberry leaf tea to keep the contractions strong. I knew I would be devastated if this was not labour.

At seven, we text Simone (our Doula) and told her what was going on so she could organize her day and she ended up coming over almost immediately. I just leaned over furniture when a contraction hit in the beginning. As things progressed, it helped if i walked. If I walked down the hall, by the time I got to charlotte's room it would peak and by the time I turned around and come back it would be over. That totally helped me cope and concentrate on my breathing.  Thank God for the hypnobirth practise because I could easily understand how you would want to hold your breath, curl into a ball and die from the pain!

Meanwhile, Simone and Sean sat on the lounge chatting and eating chocolate. This was fine by me as I started to go into my own world.

We contacted our midwife, Maria to let her know what was happening. She was in the neighbourhood and dropped by the apartment to check on me.  I didn't really talked to her much, as I said I was in my own world,  but she did tell Sean the baby would be here in the next few hours and she would meet us at the hospital.

At about 11:45am I couldn't take it anymore. We had to go to the hospital! Oddly enough, I had wanted to stay home until 'Ellen' was over... I just find Ellen really funny and thought it would help me to labour longer at home - but I just couldn't and knew it was a 30 minute drive to the Birth Centre. Simone drove me to the hospital as there was more room in her back seat.  They laid down plastic bags and towels in case my water broke on the way. It was pouring rain and I could feel every bump as we drove.  Simone turned on my hypnobirthing cd and I concentrated on that.

We arrived at the hospital and the entrance was packed (or at least it felt that way). I could feel people staring at me and no one would move out of my way as I tried to walk to the elevators during a contraction. I had another contraction on the elevator and could tell I was making everyone uncomfortable even though I was far from screaming; just breathing hard.

The birth room was dark and Maria was already there. This is when the contractions got really strong and I started to get weepy in my own world.  I would just pace around the room in the beginning and put my arms around Sean and pull hard on him with each contraction. For one, he was changing out of his wet clothes and I grabbed on to Simone but I felt like I would break her.

Things got more intense and Maria started to fill the bathtub for me. Everyone was whispering and I was just hoping everything was ok.  Then I really got lost in my own world and would basically fall asleep in between contractions. Sean would stand close as I sat on the bed and Simone rubbed my back and gave me acupuncture in my hands. She tried some aromatherapy but I didn't like it. She also gave me rescue remedy to help calm me down.

I went to the bathroom as I felt like I needed a poo before getting in the bathtub. I was terrified to poo in the tub in front of everyone.  Maria came in the bathroom in the middle and said you're not pooing, you're ready to push. So, oddly enough, still self-conscious, I stripped down in front of everyone, in between contractions and got in the tub. Then i got an instant urge to push and my body pushed as hard as it could. It felt like a pop and some bubbles down below and I remember thinking 'wow! that was easy! she's out already!' then i heard someone say 'you've broken your waters.' All i could think was 'that's it? it should be over by now!'.

I leaned over the side of the tub facing Sean, squeezing his hand with each contraction. Simone was beside him, rubbing cold water on me and giving me more rescue remedy.  Maria was in and out of the room at this point, occasionally checking Charlotte's heart between contractions.  Sean was also giving me arnica every half hour and sips of water.

The contractions as she moved down give me a sickening feeling in my body still when i think about them.  It's something I can never really explain but can still feel. Not so much like pain at this point, but definitely not convenient! I never really did push until the end.  It was just this involuntary convulsion of my body.

When the pain really started, I could feel her moving down my pelvis. I was screaming 'oh, God! oh, Jesus!' and moaning. I couldn't stop the contractions and just wanted a break. I wanted just to have a rest and escape the situation for a moment.  All I could do was stare at Sean's shirt that said 'drunknmonkey' on it. If i looked at his face I could see too much emotion and I couldn't worry about him at that moment. So i just stared at that shirt and screamed.

I felt like she had been crowning for quite some time and felt like another sort of pop like her whole head was out. I was so relieved and told myself it was almost over, I had done the hard work, when I heard Maria say she was starting to crown. I was devastated. What had been happening all this time? It had been so painful, I was sure she was out. This is when I lost it. I told everyone I wasn't doing this anymore and I was done. Sean tried to give me an arnica tablet that I said I didn't want over and over and I just told him to be quiet and shushed him every time he tried to speak there after. haha!

The pain was intense and I was scared. I was scared I would jump up out of the tub during the contractions and this would mean we would have to deliver on land. So I told them to hold me under the water.  I could feel her head come down my pelvis out a little and then all the way back in. It was excruciating and heartbreaking.  she was moving further out everytime but to be so close and to have her go back in, knowing I would have to start all over with the next contraction.  Maria told me to get angry with her. Get angry with her and get her out. So on the next contraction, instead of letting my body just control me, I pushed with everything I had in me and her head stayed out. Talk about burn! It burned for only a minute but fear took over and I was definitely scared. I could feel her body wriggling inside of me and I was terrified. It felt like forever as I waited for the next contraction and I think maybe I was screaming but inside my head it was quiet.

Finally, with the next contraction she was out. I started panicking as I couldn't find her immediately in the bloody water.  When I lifted her out she felt like jelly and still had some of the bag on her. She didn't cry or open her eyes. I started yelling that she wasn't breathing but no one else seemed concerned. Maria gave her a little rub on the back and she gave out a little cry. So beautiful. I can't hold back the tears as I remember it all. We sat together, only our heads sticking out of the water and I just couldn't believe it.

Everyone got me out of the water as I held charlotte close and lay down in bed.  Apparently, I was losing a lot of blood but was oblivious to the situation around me. i just stared at Charlotte. She was so quiet.  Then i remember delivering the placenta, which was also very painful. More painful than i imagined. I could feel the blood gushing out of me and knew something was wrong but tried to just focus on Charlotte. I knew Maria would take care of me.  They gave me a shot to help with the bleeding but I could still feel it literally pouring out of me.

Sean was feeling a bit woozy from seeing all this blood and went to make some phone calls outside to announce the news.  Simone stayed with me to give me gas as i needed stitches and hold my hand. while everything was prepared, I breastfed Charlotte and just marvelled at my little princess.

The stitches were quite intense.  I wasn't taking to the local anaesthetic they gave me and could feel the needle. I was sucking back so much gas for the pain my eyes were rolling back in my head. This freaked Simone out a bit along with the copious amount of blood flowing out of me.  Sean wanted to stay outside until the stitches were finished but because of my bleeding it ended up taking more than two hours to do.  Great way to freak out a new dad, eh!

Finally, Sean got to hold his daughter four hours after she was born. It was so beautiful to watch.  I was still very loopy from the gas and blood loss but in a state of bliss. Sean and Maria cleaned Charlotte up as she pooped on me twice while we lay in the bed. Then did her medical tests and got her dressed. I'll never forget watching Sean getting to know his little girl.

I got in the shower and ready to go home.  Every time is stood up I had a sick pulling feeling in my torso and couldn't breathe. I would have to lay down every time I tried to get up.  We tried to leave, got halfway down the hall and I would have to go back and sit in the room.  Maria said if i didn't feel better soon I would have to go upstairs to the labour ward and I knew that meant we would be in the hopsital for days. I was determined to make it to that elevator.  I hate hospitals. Even if i had lost three liters of blood, I did not want to stay there.

I did make it down that hall. To the elevator. Out to the car and finally home.  Sean was a dream and cared for me so delicately.  We all slept together in sort of a make shift campsite in the lounge room floor. We woke at every sound she made and I was constantly checking to see if she was breathing.

It was the most amazing experience of my life and I'm happy with my birth.  Charlotte is a calm, happy baby and I feel so 'blessed'. I'm not religious, but there really is no other way to describe it. Seeing Sean and Charlotte together make everything in the world worthwhile and I can honestly say I have never been in love like this before.

The midwives (Maria and Sharon) gave, and continue to give, me so much strength, confidence and support before, during and after the birth. I couldn't have come this far without them and I'm so proud of myself-because of them! I'm so glad to have found the Birth Centre!!!